You’re not likely to get a date if you only sit at the bar once, but you’re more likely to connect if you go more often.
Kevin Cole has been serving drinks at the Dead Poet in New York City for eighteen years, during which time he has witnessed numerous single people find their soul mate. He even performed the marriage ceremony for two of them at the rear of the pub a few years ago.
“They both were nighttime regulars,” Cole, 44, stated. “They were friends at first. Both she and he were in a romantic relationship. Subsequently, they found themselves overlapped and simultaneously unmarried.
Many single people aspire to the bar meet-cute because it seems like an early-aughts romantic comedy and because dating apps may be exhausting.
A recent Forbes Health Survey found that over 80% of dating app users said they become tired of constantly swiping. Over half (51%) of Gen Z respondents claimed that applications like Tinder (MTCH), Bumble (BMBL), and Hinge frequently or always make them feel burned out. The same was stated by 48% of millennials.
But you have to visit bars a lot if you want to get off the apps and meet someone there. In a recent TikTok, influencer Laurie Cooper dubbed this month “Sit at the Bar September” to encourage young women to do just that. Cooper, a recent cast member of “Real Housewives of New York” and a New York City real estate agent, urged unmarried people to “get off those dating apps and sit at the bar.”
She said, “I’ll be checking in, girls,”
The advice isn’t particularly unique or month-specific. Dating coaches, as well as matchmaker and TV personality Patti Stanger of “Millionaire Matchmaker” fame, have long advocated for women to go to a steakhouse and read a book at the bar in order to meet men.
However, going out alone is not an inexpensive activity, particularly in larger cities where $15 drinks are typical. For example, Cooper’s favorite spot for “Sit at the Bar September,” the Carlyle Hotel on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, has unique drinks that range from $28 to $36. Suppose you decide to have dinner since you’re hungry while you’re waiting for the one: According to OpenTable data from 2024, the average cost of a lunch for a single diner is $84. Compared to dining with others, that is 48% more. You may spend about $700 a month meeting someone you might be able to date if you do this twice a week.
So how can you justify spending time and money going out alone? For insights, MarketWatch spoke with seasoned bartenders. There are strategies to improve your chances of meeting someone in person, which will make that additional expense even more worthwhile if you are among the many Americans who have grown weary of dating apps.
Select the appropriate bar.
Tony Jimenez, 37, began working as a bartender in San Juan, Puerto Rico, eighteen years ago. After working for a while in New York City, he eventually made his way to Philadelphia, where he has been for the past four years.
His counsel seems a bit illogical. Jimenez, who works as a bartender at 1 Tippling Place and Bar Almanac, advised avoiding fashionable or famous places if you want to meet someone.
“If a bar is popular, a lot of people will go there because it’s a popular bar, not to meet people,” he stated.
For similar reasons, he said, it’s best to stay away from new bars: A lot of people will be there to see if it lives up to the anticipation.
“It’s important that a bar has been there for at least a while,” he stated. “I’d say four to five years.”
He advises looking for local hangouts with people you like.
“Those tend to be the bars where you bump into people more frequently,” he stated. “It serves as a community gathering spot. It’s the ideal use of a third space.
The design of the room can also affect how easy it is to strike up a conversation with a stranger. For instance, a bar that is curved so that you can see everyone’s faces promotes more socializing than one that is straight across. Of course, there must be enough of seats at the bar.
Cole goes on to say that you ought to visit locations that complement your hobbies.
“If you just go to a sports bar, you’re going to have a connection with a Mets fan,” he stated. “You already have one thing in common.”
On the other hand, you might want to avoid going to a bar with a lot of pool tables if you don’t enjoy playing the game.
Give up the laptop and the questions from the employment interview.
Your appearance may be more crucial than choosing the ideal bar.
Jimenez described bringing a book as a “double-edged sword.”
“It is a conversation starter in the same way it can be a conversation stopper,” he stated. It might serve as a starting point for inquiries regarding the book. Or you could be reading a book and people couldn’t talk to you.”
As long as what you’re doing appears to be susceptible to interruption, using a phone is acceptable, he added.
“If you’re playing a game, it looks different than if you’re reading an article on your phone,” he stated. “You can interrupt an article, but if you interrupt someone playing a game, it feels intrusive.”
“Bringing a laptop says ‘I’m working,'” Cole added, citing laptops as the biggest barrier to connecting. I’m done. Don’t speak to me.
Your own willingness to interact with others is another important consideration. According to Jimenez, you should feel at ease starting a discussion but avoid being too nosy.
“The people I’ve seen that fail the most are ones that treat it like a questionnaire where they are constantly asking too many questions about the other person, trying to see if they find something they like,” he stated. “You’re not on a first date yet.”
Jiminez went on to say that asking too many questions can come across as off-putting because it gives the impression that you’re looking for a possible “red flag” as well.
Cole added, “You don’t want to trauma-dump either.”
“I see men and women just sharing too much,” he stated. “It’s like, ‘I just met you – why are you telling me about your father when he passed away?'”
You should basically just try to find out what you and the other person have in common.
It’s a gradual burn for many of Cole’s customers who go on to have long-term relationships. Only after they bump into each other a few times does conversation start.
It’s doubtful that you’ll score a date if you only go out to the pub once, but you’re more likely to connect if you go more often and take the time to get to know people in your neighborhood.
Finding your partner could be the outcome of this long-term investment if done correctly.
